It’s not your fault, it’s mine.

You see, I’ve been engulfed in positive feedback for 10 years now. And if you think it’s a good thing – you’re probably right, but not quite. Too much positive can be bad, especially for a creative person. Through these 10 years of game development (and comic book writing) I was getting a bit too comfortable in what I was doing, maybe even a bit too arogant. I need to get back to my humble roots.

That was caused not only by my own Pastel Forum, but also by comments on my website, facebook, twitter, what have you. Again, remember, not your fault.

And this overblown confidence can be tricky at times.

You probably haven’t noticed, but some time ago I started stepping away from the internet feedback. First thing – I deleted all wordpress comments on my website, those old ones, dating back to famous years of 2005-2007, when Submachine and Covert Front blew up. Covert Front used to have over 6000 comments and I read each one of them back in a day.

Then, when Mochiads went belly up and I had to retouch every single game I made to include new ad system – I removed comments links from those as well.

I also blocked all comments on my videos on youtube (now on vimeo, since I moved all my videos there. Why? That’s another long story).

Later I went even further and removed comments section from my website entirely. Now you can just watch, you can’t say anything.

And all this leads directly to the decision of deletion of Pastel Forum. It’s the last bastion of my confidence, which I can’t have. If you want me to create good games and books, I need to be this guy from 2004 again. Someone who’s questioning himself on a daily basis. Someone who doesn’t know how his work will be received, or perceived for that matter. I need to step away and quiet the noise, especially considering I’m about to create (arguably) my most important game of my “career” (which is the ending to the Submachine saga).

You can still catch me on facebook and twitter, but those are the only two remaining ways of doing so.

See you on the other side.